MAD #509 — June 2011

"Why is it that people who want government to be small always have the biggest mouths?" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Ad for Subscriptions — Alfred E. Neuman portrait offer
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• Contents Page

  It's the List We Can Do Dept.
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.

  Notes

  • Tom Richmond shows Mad Men's Rich Sommer the parody in MAD #508
  2–4
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various obscure places around the magazine)
• $#*! My Son Says (ad parody)

  See B.S. Dept.

  Written by Jeff Kruse
  5
• The Fundalini Pages

  Random Acts of Mindless Dept.

  • Surprises to Watch For in the 2011 Baseball Season — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Tom Bunk
  • Latest Classified Ads — power-wash / water damage — Written by Scott Maiko
  • Angry Birds — chased by Pac-Man (Sergio Aragones)
  • Leg of Lambert — roll top desk instead of raft (Jacob Lambert)
  • The Stupid Six — Reasons Keith Olbermann is No Longer on Countdown — Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Mort Drucker
  • Superhero Origins Gone Wrong! (Kenny Keil)
  • Surprising Proposals in the NFL Labor Talks — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Chris Houghton
  • This Bland is Your Bland — Tragic Mole News (Tom Bland)
  • Celebrity Cause of Death Betting Odds — Bill O'Reilly (Art by Sam Viviano)
  • Monkeys Are Always Funny — with Westboro Baptist Church protestors
  • Angrier Birds — flip a coin (Sergio Aragones)
  • Ted Williams vs. Ted Williams — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • Gimme a Flake — fist in mouth (Emily Flake)
  • Reasons For That "Mature" ESRB Rating — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • Spotlight on American Universities — College of Generic State University — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Charles Akins
  • Signs You Haven't Actually Discovered a Lost Amazon Tribe (John Caldwell)
  • Pull My Cheney — 6000 volt guitarists (Tom Cheney)
  • What's Making John Boehner Cry This Week? — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Rick Tulka
  • Angriest Birds — spit-roasted (Sergio Aragones)
  6–10
• Mad Libyan (ad parody)

  Funny or Diatribe Dept.
  11
• Muddled Family (TV satire)

  Relatives' Stupidity Dept.

  Written by Arnie Kogen / Art by Tom Richmond
  12–17
• Kanye West's Most Moronic Tweets

  Characters Flawed Dept.

  Written by Jacob Lambert / Art by Sam Sisco

  Reprinted in 4 collections

  • Certifiably MAD — 2012
  • Inside MAD — 2013
  • MAD Picks — Special Collector's Edition 2013
  • Totally Inside MAD — 2016
  18–19
• Ad for Subscriptions — bonus MAD #96 print offer
  20
• The Strip Club

  Pen and Stink Dept.

  • "The Truth Flirts" — Vic Black
  • Just Below the Surface — Douglas Paszkiewicz
  • Coombs & Coombs — bargain gas — Jason Coates
  • Good Enough — Peet Tamburino
  • Twisted Toaster Tales — Nate Fakes
  • It Only Hurts When I Laugh — Christopher Baldwin
  21–24
• A Letter From Taco Bull (ad parody)

  Filler-Busted Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo
  25
• Signs That Your Hypochondria Is Out of Control

  The Sick Sense Dept.

  Teresa Burns Parkhurst
  26–27
• Planet TAD!!!!!

  In Blog We Trust Dept.

  Written by Tim Carvell / Art by Brian Durniak

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • The Best of the Worst! — Special Collector's Edition 2012
  28–29
• MAD's Thor-oughly Stupid Thor Outtakes

  Beating a Dead Norse Dept.

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • Amazingly Stupid MAD — 2012
  • MAD About Super Heroes — version 2.5 — 2012
  • Amazingly Stupid MAD — Expanded Edition — 2013
  30–31
• MAD's 11 Little-Known, Practical, Real Life Uses for Ballet

  The Plié's the Thing Dept.

  Written by Mike Craig / Art by Jack Syracuse

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • Amazingly Stupid MAD — 2012
  • Amazingly Stupid MAD — Expanded Edition — 2013
  • MAD #602 — December 2026
  32–33
• Spy vs. Spy — wiki water leaks / window frame trap

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Spy vs. Spy — Fight to the Finish — 2013
  34–35
• The MAD Vault

  The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Lame Dept.

  Article from MAD #180: Don Martin Beats the High Cost of Gasoline — Don Martin
  36–38
• Dancing with the Star Wars

  R2-D2-Step Dept.

  Written by Dave Croatto / Art by Hermann Mejia

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • Extremely Moronic MAD — 2012
  • MAD Spoofs Star Wars and Other Sci-Fi — Special Collector's Edition 2017
  • MAD Spoofs Star Wars — Special Collector's Edition 2019
  39–42
• Sheen it? (ad parody)

  Porn Family Game Night Dept.
  43
• Things You Don't Want to Hear From a Marriage Counselor

  Split Happens Dept.

  Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Evan Dorkin and Sarah Dyer
  44–45
• A MAD Look at Hoarders

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones / Color by Tom Luth

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Unplugs TV — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  • MAD Hodgepodge of Humor — Vol. 2 — Aug/Sep 2025
  46–49
• Similarities & Differences Between the Spider-Man Musical and the War in Afghanistan

  Theatres of the Absurd Dept.

  Art by Ward Sutton

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD About Super Heroes — version 2.5 — 2012
  50
• The 50 Worst Things About Facebook

  Zuckerberg's-Eye View Dept.

  Written by Charlie Kadau, Jason Katzenstein, Joe Masterman, Jason Salas / Art by Bob Staake

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Certifiably MAD — 2012
  51–55
• One Fine Day on Main Street

  Underage Thinking Dept.

  Written by Michael Gallagher / Art by Paul Coker

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Certifiably MAD — 2012
  56 sample
• Fold-In — Where did many young performers get their first big break?

  Al Jaffee
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