MAD #522 — September 2013

"The sooner you figure out that looks can only get you so far in life, the uglier you probably are!" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Contents Page

  It's the List We Can Do Dept.
  1
• Letters and Tomatoes Dept.

  Tribute to Bob Clarke (1926–2013)
  2–4
• Ad for Subscriptions

  with #94 bonus print
  5
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine) summary
• The Fundalini Pages

  Random Acts of Mindless Dept.

  Featuring /

  • The Fast Five — The Reasons Behind Kim Jong-Un's Threats to America — Written by Matt Lassen / Art by Sam Sisco
  • Rejected Answers to: "How Happy Are People Who Save $100 or More By Switching to Geico?" — Written by Matt Lassen / Art by Rick Geary
  • Stupid Ideas Quickly Nixed By the New Pope — John Caldwell
  • Lines Edited Out of Inferno — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • Eckstein Marks the Spot! — "I will not tell the media about our love affair." — Bob Eckstein
  • Reality Show Mashups — Maria Scrivan
  • Whitman's Anti-Anxiety Sampler — Written by Evan Waite / Art by Charles Akins
  • The Faster Five — Signs Your Mayor Smokes Crack — Written by Kenny Keil / Art by Evan Dorkin & Sarah Dyer
  • Rejected Fortune Cookies
  • The Hart of the Matt-er — dead fish and treasure — Written by Matt Lassen / Art by Tom Hart
  • The Blackberry Z10 vs. The Progresso Black Bean Soup String-Can Phone — Written by Neil Berliner
  • Celebrity Cause of Death Betting Odds — Jimmy Fallon — Art by Rick Tulka
  • AOL Start-Up Screens We'd Like to See — Written by Jeff Kruse
  • Signs You're Too Fat to Receive the Death Penalty — Art by Al Jaffee / Color by Carl Peterson
  • Recently Rejected Comics — Written by Jeff Kruse / Art by Adam Koford
  6–10
• proaaaaacktiv (ad parody)

  You Skin Some, You Lose Some Dept.

  Written by Alison Grambs / Art by Scott Bricher

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Spoofs Horror — Special Collector's Edition 2017
  11
• The Slobbit — An Underedited Journey (movie satire)

  A Tolkien Gesture Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Tom Richmond
  12–17
• The Debt

  Frank on a Roll Dept.

  with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe's The Bells

  Written by Frank Jacobs / Art by Ward Sutton
  18–19 sample
• MAD's Office Greeting Card Etiquette

  Writes and Wrongs Dept.

  Written by Ryan Pagelow

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD #47 — February 2026
  20–21
• A MAD Look at The Internet

  Serge-In General Dept.

  Sergio Aragones / Color by Tom Luth
  22–25
• Brutally Honest Marriage Vows

  Here Comes the Snide Dept.

  Written by Teresa Burns Parkhurst / Art by Leonardo Rodriguez
  26–27 sample
• Planet TAD!!!!!

  In Blog We Trust Dept.

  Written by Tim Carvell / Art by Brian Durniak
  28–29
• Spy vs. Spy — bed trap / building leaner

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Peter Kuper

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • Spy vs. Spy — Fight to the Finish — 2013
  30–32
• Ad for the first 23 comic book issues of MAD
  33
• Some of Your Pet's Peeves

  It's Complaining Cats and Dogs Dept.

  Teresa Burns Parkhurst

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD #24 — April 2022
  • MAD Treasure Trove of Trash — Vol. 1 — May/June 2022
  • MAD Goes to the Dogs & Other Beasties! — Special Collector's Edition 2024
  34–35
• The MAD Vault

  Rotten to the Encore Dept.

  Article from MAD #273: Summer Has Arrived When... —
  Written by Tom Koch / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.
  36–38
• The Strip Club

  Pen and Stink Dept.

  • It Only Hurts When I Laugh — Christopher Baldwin
  • How's My Driving? — Nathan Cooper
  • WTF, Jeff? — Written by Kit Lively / Art by Scott Nickel
  • Father O'Flannity's Hot Tub Confessions with Ryan Seacrest — Keith Knight
  • That Sinking Feeling — Jason Yungbluth
  • Coombs & Coombs — Jason Coates
  • Fantabulaman — Ted Rall
  39–42
• Ad for Disturbingly Awful MAD book
  43
• Overheard in Kim Kardashian's Delivery Room

  The Dilate Show Dept.

  Written by Matt Lassen / Art by Anton Emdin

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Unplugs TV — Special Collector's Edition 2015
  44–45
• Signs You Might Be Getting Catfished

  The Ruse of Engagement Dept.

  Written by Kenny Keil / Art by Kevin Pope
  46–47
• Ad for tons of MAD books
  48–49
• Storage Boors (TV satire)

  The Locked Mess Monsters Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Tom Bunk

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD #43 — June 2025
  50–54
• Boy Scout Merit Badges for the Digital Age

  Sewing Your True Colors Dept.

  Written by Kenny Keil / Art by John Caldwell
  55
• The Best of The Idiotical

  Our Daily Dread Dept.

  Featuring /

  • The Texter
  • Ben & Jerry's Impeach-Mint
  • A Justin Bieber Selfie We'd Like to See
  • Chris & Barack's Jersey Shore Memories 2013
  • Arguments O.J. Simpson's Lawyers Are Making For His Release
  56
• Fold-In — What is the country's most realistic hope of balancing the budget?

  All Jaffee Dept.

  Al Jaffee
  C3
• Back Cover — Barack Obama's Scandals Resort

  Appall-inclusive Dept.
  C4