MAD #294 — April 1990

"Ever notice how people who say, 'That's the way the ball bounces' are usually the ones who dropped it?" — Alfred E. Neuman

Contents

• Ad for Subscriptions

  featuring A Pretentious Compendium of MAD's Very Best Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions by Al Jaffee and MAD Zaps the Human Race! by Frank Jacobs Big Book Bonuses
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• Contents Page
  1
• Letters Dept.

  Notes

  • Photos of Candice Bergen ripping up MAD #289, Tales from the Crypt Cryptkeeper reading MAD #292, Dave Berg with some Soviet humor magazine guys; Ad for The Weather MAD Paperback
  2–3
• Drawn-Out Dramas

  Marginal Thinking Dept.

  Sergio Aragones
  (various places around the magazine)
• Empty Mess (TV satire)

  The Miami Clown Machine Dept.

  Written by Josh Gordon / Art by Mort Drucker

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD XL #8 — March 2001
  • 1001 MAD Pages You Must Read Before You Die — 2009
  4–8
• The Double Dutch Deathtrap

  Tales from the Duck Side Dept.

  Don (Duck) Edwing
  9
• Do You Really Need to Know...

  Facts Evasion Dept.

  Idea by Mary Pat Lindl / Written by John Prete / Art by Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #113 — June 1996
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — 2000
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  10–11
• The MAD Career Mart

  Schmoe Jobs Dept.

  Written by Charlie Kadau and Joe Raiola / Art by Bob Clarke

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #111 — March 1996
  12–13
• The MAD TV Coroner's Report — Volume II

  The Cast is Died Dept.

  Written by Frank Jacobs
  14–16
• Spy vs. Spy — horseshoe magnet rings submarine

  Joke and Dagger Dept.

  Bob Clarke

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • MAD Special #111 — March 1996
  • Spy Vs. Spy 2 — The Joke and Dagger Files — 2007
  17
• The Lighter Side of...

  Berg's-Eye View Dept.

  Dave Berg

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #116 — October 1996
  18–22 sample
• The Cannibal Coffee-Shop Conundrum

  Tales from the Duck Side Dept.

  Don (Duck) Edwing

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #118 — February 1997
  • MAD XL #20 — March 2003
  • MAD Color Classics #11 — April 2005
  23
• Old MacDonald (song update)

  Frank on a Roll Dept.

  Idea by Dan Lozer / Written by Frank Jacobs / Art by Gerry Gersten

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #113 — June 1996
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — Turd in a Series — 2003
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  24–25
• The MAD "Don't" Book — (Chapters 2-5)

  Blunder Enlightening Dept.

  Written by Charlie Kadau and Joe Raiola / Art by Paul Coker, Jr.

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #116 — October 1996
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — 2000
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  26–27 sample
• MAD's Rock Quiz

  Guitar, Bass and Conundrums Dept.

  Written by Desmond Devlin / Art by Rick Tulka

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #112 — April 1996
  28–29 sample
• Eavesdropper Shockers

  Teaching Them a Listen Dept.

  Written by Mike Snider / Art by Bob Jones

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #116 — October 1996
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — Turd in a Series — 2003
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  30–31
• Drama on Page 32 — Stella's House of Velcro

  The Latest Fasten Trend Dept.

  John Caldwell

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #109 — December 1995
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — 2000
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  32
• The Art of Breaking Bad News Gently

  It Blurts So Bad Dept.

  Written by Tom Koch

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #113 — June 1996
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — 2000
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  33–35
• The Real Reasons Why You Can't Bring Your Friends Home!

  The Family Skewed Dept.

  Paul Peter Porges

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD Special #121 — June 1997
  36–37
• Dorky Housecall, M.D. (TV satire)

  Little Boy Blue Cross Dept.

  Written by Dick DeBartolo / Art by Angelo Torres

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD #31 — June 2023
  38–42
• The Titillating Tennis Tumult

  Tales from the Duck Side Dept.

  Don (Duck) Edwing

  Reprinted in 1 collection

  • MAD XL #30 — November 2004
  43
• Political Half-Truths

  Getting on the Deceiving Lines Dept.

  Written by Chris Hart / Art by George Woodbridge

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #109 — December 1995
  • MAD XL #11 — August 2001
  • 1001 MAD Pages You Must Read Before You Die — 2009
  44–45
• Get a Life!!!!!!!!

  Taking a Schlep in the Right Direction Dept.

  Written by Charlie Kadau / Art by Jack Davis

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Special #102 — March 1995
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — 2000
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  46–47
• MAD's Updated Book Titles for the 90's

  Adjusting the Volumes Dept.

  Written by William Garvin / Art by Bob Clarke

  Reprinted in 2 collections

  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — Turd in a Series — 2003
  • The MAD Bathroom Companion — The Mother Load — 2004
  48
• Fold-In — What creature recently became extinct in Alaska?

  Al Jaffee

  Reprinted in 3 collections

  • MAD Fold This Book — 1997
  • MAD Art — 2002
  • The MAD Fold-In Collection 1964–2010 — 2011
  C3
• Back Cover — An Ad They'll Never Show — You've Got Cancer of the Hump!

  Written by Don (Duck) Edwing / Art by John Pound

  Reprinted in 4 collections

  • MAD Art — 2002
  • MAD XL #20 — March 2003
  • MADvertising — 2005
  • MAD About the '90s — 2005
  C4