"I am Melvin Kowznofski"
Random excerpts from the recently discovered
journals of Mad Magazine's Maddest fan...
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What we know...
Melvin Kowznofski (or the fellow using his name) claimed to have been born around 1893 in the northeast section of the country, possibly Rhode Island. No information about his younger years exists in any substantiated form. He kept lengthy journals recently discovered within the walls of an Idaho mental hospital where he was housed until his death in 1967. The facility was demolished in March 1998, but before the walls came down, Melvin's odd notes and bits of brain clutter were discovered in a hole behind a painting of Alfred E. Neuman in what used to be the room he occupied for the last nineteen years of his life. The journals touched on many topics including his years as a child, his problems with the world, his various jobs, relationships, and most notably to us, his discovery and interest in Mad Magazine. The form of his writings ran the gamut of carefully crafted mature phrasings to the childlike scribbles of a disordered mind.
Some of his writings...
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"As much a commentary as a reflection of the culture, this magazine's significance cannot be fully appreciated. It has had a profound effect on my life. The writers understand the real world. It may all look like a bunch of crazy cartoons, but it's as real as life gets." |
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"Poisoned
popcorn
has
its
advantages." |
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"My mother worked for Bill Gaines' father as a secretary. Bill and I were childhood friends. I remember we'd play around in his backyard digging holes like Mole. We thought we'd end up in China someday. Mom eventually got fired and we moved out west."
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"I've got a purple scar from a burn on my right temple where Thatchet didn't apply enough jelly. The electrodes seem to float so gently on the skin and then an explosion of darkness, uncontrollable shaking, and a strange sense of well-being overtakes." |
| "My father was a fighter pilot. Every time I read about the death of Robespierre from Black and Blue Hawks, I picture father under attack, going out gracefully." |
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"Mad has planted a spy in the complex who looks like Neuman Alfred E. I know they get much of their source material from his observations of me. |
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"Straightjackets are all the rage. Mad sells them to this fine institution." |
"I don't think the people around here intend to do me any harm with the possible exception of Thatchet. One more injection from her
and I may have to show her who's boss." |
| "McCarthy had the right idea but Mad improved on it. Actions speak louder than words. The United States is full of secret factions bent on crippling this country. Let them fight it out and may the best man win." |
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"They never did tell me exactly what I was in here for..." |
Much more to come...
Artwork copyrighted by E.C. Publications and Mad Magazine.
Text copyrighted by Melvin Kowznofski.
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