The Mad Self-
Improvement Yearbook - 1985

A daily guide of hints to help you "elevate yourself in the eyes of the social world" includes the following Koch gems:
  • January 6 - A chore for today that you've been postponing:
    Call a family meeting to inform your parents, in a frank and open way, that you're adopted.
  • March 20 - A thrifty tip for this day: Start saving your dandruff in a Mason jar to sprinkle under the tree next Christmas. This will not only eliminate your annual expense for artificial snow, but also will save you the cash normally squandered on shampoo throughout the year.
  • April 20 - A useful fact of history you can share with others today: Yankee Doodle was a mythical person, and not a real Revolutionary War hero. Therefore, it is incorect to stick a feather in your hat and call it macaroni.
  • July 22 - A sure-fire method for making new friends today: Build a cold drinks stand in front of your house out of old orange crates, and start selling double martinis for a nickel.
  • October 9 - Today's lesson in making yourself a more loveable person: Display affection for animals by stealing a cage full of rare tropical birds from a pet shop and giving them away to hungry cats.
  • December 11 - Some timely advice for increasing your popularity: Stop being such a pain in the butt, and see if that doesn't help a little bit.
Click cover for larger view The Mad Self-Improvement Yearbook